thinking outside my brain

That's what I do, you know. I think outside my brain. I take an idea, put it into words that may or may not meet that need, say them out loud and then look at them in the light of day. And while yesterday's rant felt cathartic, the thoughts that I offered were incomplete, not fully cooked, as it were.

My commenters were wonderful in gently showing me the other sides to what I had offered as The TRUTH According to Dawn. Kay spoke eloquently about labels and boxes and how we try to fit people into them and how people often don't like to stay where we put them. Dolphyngyrl reminded me that in order to appreciate others' experiences, sometimes we need to walk the proverbial mile in their shoes. Toby, bless him, reminded me that he's still young enough to be figuring shit out and NEEDS to try on this and that to see what fits in his world. And Jen, very gently, very politely, told me not to be so judgmental when I don't know what others' experiences, baggage and/or motives might be. And dolphyngyrl backed her up with personal anecdotal evidence.

Truth was found in all of those voices. Perhaps I was impatient with the world. I did not allow others the same freedom I had to stumble around trying this and that before I found what made me comfortable. I did spend those years trying to fit the popular 1990s-era androgynous lesbian look. I failed miserably, incidentally, because it was not right for me. Was I faking then? Should the androgynous lesbians have gotten pissy because I was obviously aping them in an attempt to fit in? Who knows. Thank heavens nobody dope-slapped me then like I did others in this space yesterday.

Talking with L at home this afternoon, and with my friend M on the phone earlier, I was reminded that not everybody has had my experience and that my version of butch is not the only approved method. I think Jen was right in identifying the rural-urban divide in Maine that also follows a socio-economic divide as well.

For those who were offended by my judgment in yesterday's post, please accept my apology. Sometimes I need to get an idea out and look at it from all sides before I decide whether I like it or not. I still have conflicted feelings about the whole thing, but I think I am going to be less quick to judge others around this issue. When I think of how long I foundered around in the queer world until I found a groove that felt comfortable, I am reminded that I ought to allow others at least as much latitude as was provided me.